Archive for category Good Advice
Failure: The Secret to Success
Posted by Jerry in Good Advice on June 4th, 2010
YouTube
I don’t know anyone who has ever tried to accomplish anything that will not benefit from watching this clip about those who tried and failed. Think of yourself and your kids and not only the consequences of failing but the consequences of not trying at all.
How to Prepare High School Students for College
Posted by Jerry in Good Advice on June 1st, 2010
Suite101.com
May 15, 2010 (Ashley Anderson)
This information is most helpful if freshmen and their parents put it into practice but it can help at any level. All the decisions made beginning in the freshmen year of high school will impact the decisions college admission professionals make about you. Don’t give them any reason to doubt that you are and will continue to be an excellent addition to their campus. Read the whole article at the address below.
http://college-preparation.suite101.com/article.cfm/how-to-prepare-high-school-students-for-college
High school juniors need to look ahead so they don’t get too far behind
Posted by Jerry in Good Advice on May 15th, 2010
Northjersey.com
Thursday, April 22, 2010 (Pat Restaino)
The high school student planning on attending college is accepted or rejected on the merit of what they accomplished up through their junior year. Many colleges will make the admittance decisions before the first reporting period of the senior year. This means that the application process begins half way through the junior year. Students that are not already laid the groundwork for their college applications are a step behind. If take advantage of these last few weeks before summer break you can get on track to and remove most of the anxiety of the application process. Don’t waste any more time. If you don’t know what to do next, just ask. http://www.northjersey.com/news/education/your_college_advisor/91784989_High_school_juniors_need_to_look_ahead_so_they_don_t_get_too_far_behind.html
Parents, Read This if Your Child Is Applying to College
Posted by Jerry in Good Advice on December 24th, 2009
December 09, 2009 02:33 PM ET | Lynn F. Jacobs, Jeremy S. Hyman P
US News and World Report
Holiday time is family time. And family time, in many families, is apply-to-college time. Many parents, despite their best intentions, do more harm than good to their college bound children during this anxiety-ridden time. So we invited visiting blogger Marilee Jones, former dean of admissions at MIT and coauthor of the book, Less Stress, More Success: A New Approach to Guiding Your Teen Through College Admissions and Beyond, to offer some advice to parents of children caught up in the college application maze. Here are her eight “guiding principles”:
1. Understand the college admissions process for what it is. Many parents think of college admissions as a competitive battle to be won. But, in truth, it is a key developmental phase to be experienced. This is your child’s initiation into adulthood and, at the same time, an important moment in parenting. Your job now is to become your child’s “grounding cord”—the calm and confident adult who keeps things safe as your child is exposed to the judgment and serendipity of college admissions officers.
[For more on the process, see the Complete Guide to College Admissions.]
2. Realize it isn’t happening to you. We are so connected to our children that we sometimes lose the boundaries between our own issues and theirs. You are not applying to college; your child is. Being clear about this affords you the distance to help him or her calm down when he or she is most scared. When your own anxiety spikes, walk away and firmly remind yourself that the college admission process is not happening to you.
3. Watch those pronouns! Think carefully about the messages you are sending your child. You may think it’s OK to refer to your child’s application as “our application.” But chances are your child will hear something like, “You aren’t mature enough to get into college on your own, so I have to help you.” This is your child’s initiation into adulthood. Your job is to lift your child up, not bring him or her down.
4. Keep your anxiety to yourself. Parents of college applicants have much to worry about, such as, “How can we afford this?” “What if my son or daughter gets rejected?” “How can I be old enough to have a child going to college?” While your worries are real, it’s important that you do not share them with your child. Your fears will only amplify his or her own. Keeping a peaceful household is the goal now, so share your feelings with a trusted friend or peer. And if you’re really at your wits’ end and have no trusted friend, buy one: Now could be the perfect time to get professional short-term counseling.
5. Work with your team. Never act as your child’s one and only adviser. The most effective parents team up with their child’s guidance counselor and follow his or her lead. Even if that counselor is a 20- or 30-something, he or she still knows more about college admissions than you do.
6. Teach self-soothing. Sometimes we collect information because it helps us feel more in control. We ask our child such questions as “What did you get on that test last week?” or “How do your SAT scores compare with your classmates’?” These questions imply judgment to our child, something that teachers, school administrators, college admissions officers, and peers might already be offering in large amounts. When your child is expressing anxiety, offer reassuring responses—”Don’t worry, things always work out for you,” “Everything is going to be OK,” “It seems scary now, but better days are ahead.”
7. Look for the grief—yours. It may surprise you to know that some of the upset you feel about the college application experience may actually be grief over your child’s leaving home soon. Because grief is about loss, it’s more comfortable for many people to turn it into another emotion that’s easier to feel, such as anger. Rather than create more turmoil for you and your family, it is best to recognize the grief for what it is, feel it, and then move on.
8. Develop Plan B. It’s not surprising that the main source of anxiety in the college admissions process comes from being unable to control the result. So here’s a secret: In order to maintain an inner sense of calm, prepare yourself in advance for your worst case scenario—e.g., your child gets rejected or wait-listed everywhere—and work out a plan to deal with that. Then file the plan away somewhere and get back to focusing on success. Knowing that you have a backup plan in place will keep you more relaxed throughout the process so you can be that positive, steady influence for your child during the anxious moments ahead.
© Copyright 2009, Professors’ Guide LLC. All rights reserved
A Private School Counselor Offers His Take on Independent Counselors
Posted by Jerry in Good Advice on December 9th, 2009
By RAFAEL S. FIGUEROA November 9, 2009, 12:23 pm
Ozier Muhammad/The New York Times
Ralph Figueroa reviews applications at Wesleyan in 2000.
Today, for example, I wanted to draw your attention to a question about “college coaches” (the reader’s words) — and whether admissions officers can sniff out their handiwork in an application. The reader also asked if such coaches are “truly needed.” For an answer, I sought out Ralph Figueroa, a former admissions officer at Wesleyan and Occidental who now works as director of college guidance at Albuquerque Academy, a private school in New Mexico. (Ralph’s work at Wesleyan was featured in a Times series I wrote about Wesleyan, which evolved into a book.) — Jacques Steinberg
Q. With the growth of college coaches and other ancillary services that purported to provide students an edge in the admissions process, can admissions officers distinguish between the student who has truly put forth the effort themselves versus the one who has been coached? Are college coaches truly needed in today’s environment?
—Kevin Johnson
- Mr. Johnson asks two important and somewhat controversial questions. First, as to whether admissions officers can distinguish between the student who has truly put forth effort and one who may have been coached, the answer is usually, no, they can’t.
Sometimes it is possible to spot discrepancies between different pieces of writing submitted by an applicant. Some colleges require students to send in a graded paper from school in part to make those comparisons. Perhaps a warning bell may go off when a student with modest verbal or writing scores on standardized tests submits extremely sophisticated essays or writing samples. But none of those are conclusive.
Even if an admission officer suspects there may have been coaching, there is no real way to prove it. So for the most part, admission officers will take the writing submitted at face value. The exception to this, of course, is plagiarism. A student foolish enough to plagiarize an admission application, with or without coaching, is doomed.
Mr. Johnson’s second question is the real bombshell. Are college coaches truly needed? No, they aren’t. Can they be helpful? Absolutely, depending entirely on your individual circumstances.
It is perfectly reasonable for a student and his or her family to navigate the admission process entirely on their own. There are still many students who do just that every year. The resources available on the Internet can be extremely helpful as well. I would recommend looking at www.ctcl.org, www.fairtest.org, www.finaid.org, www.fastweb.com, www.number2.com and www.collegeboard.com to start, as well as the Web sites of individual colleges.
But here is where the trouble really begins:
I work for an independent school with a senior class of 157 students. I am one of three full-time college advisers, and our upper school principal is also a part-time college adviser. We have a full-time college guidance coordinator, as well. Students here at Albuquerque Academy have all the resources they need for assistance with the college search. There is absolutely no need for any student here to ever use an outside college coach. And for the most part, they don’t.
At one local public school, on the other hand, the senior class of 450 students is served by a single counselor, who also has other responsibilities. There is no way that counselor can spend the time on the college process that I have the luxury of providing. Clearly, students and families at that very strong school might be justified in seeking outside assistance.
Each student and family should take a hard look at the resources available for their college admission process and determine whether or not they need outside assistance. Maybe even ask your counselor directly about an outside consultant. Now be prepared for a strong negative reaction — there are many folks in the admission profession who think outside consultants are the worst thing imaginable. That is unfortunate, because like any profession, there are good college consultants and bad ones. And I have met and worked with far more good ones than bad.
How can you tell the good ones? First, ask about the consultant’s background and experience. Did they ever work in college admissions or as a high school counselor? Those aren’t mandatory, but they are helpful. Are they a member of the National Association for College Admission Counseling? Are they a member of the Independent Educational Consultants Association? Are they a Certified Educational Planner? Although not a guarantee of quality, membership in those associations is a good sign.
And beware of those charging exorbitant fees; that is almost always a bad sign.
There are many programs that help students with the college search process without charging any money at all. I am proud to be part of a program here in Albuquerque called The College Corner, that provides free college counseling lectures and workshops at public libraries.
I know the college admission process can seem overwhelming. But just remember that it is a totally manageable one that can be broken down into small, easy steps. If you feel you need to hire someone to help you manage the process, that is fine. Do that. But don’t lose sight of the fact that, in the end, the process is about you, the student, and not about the hired help.
Two other pieces of advice from your faithful blogger: have realistic expectations for what a counselor might contribute to the college search. And, at the least, parents should be wary of any counselor who gives an applicant a guarantee, or near-guarantee, of admission to one’s top college or colleges.
Helping Teenagers Find Their Dreams
Posted by Jerry in Good Advice on December 8th, 2009
By EILENE ZIMMERMAN October 24, 2009
The New York Times
Q. What, if anything, can parents of high-school-age children do to guide them toward their true professional calling?
A. Some parents are apt to put pressure on their children about choosing a first career, thinking that it will determine the course of their lives. Yet as adults, we often reinvent ourselves more than once, moving among professions. So whatever your children choose now won’t necessarily define their future.
“I see many teens who jump on the first career track that someone recommends just to avoid being directionless, only to find themselves miserable a few years later,” said Tamar E. Chansky, a child-and-adolescent psychologist in Plymouth Meeting, Pa., and author of “Freeing Your Child From Anxiety.”
Ms. Chansky says it’s best to have conversations with teenagers about their strengths and interests, rather than a specific career, and then to listen to what they have to say. “If the parent is putting out all the ideas, you wind up with the parent’s dream, not the kid’s,” she said.
You may feel compelled to give career advice because you see particular talents in your child, but parents are more limited by their own experience than they think, said Steve Langerud, director of career services at DePauw University in Greencastle, Ind. As well-meaning as the advice might be, it “doesn’t take into account what’s going to be available to your child in the future,” he said.
“The market is changing so fast there may be careers that exist when a student gets out of college that simply didn’t exist when they started,” he added.
It can be more effective to have children look at themselves functionally. Rather than asking, “What do you want to be?,” pose these questions: “What skills do you have? What kinds of people do you like to work with? In what kind of environment?” This is a way to think about a career without necessarily naming it, Mr. Langerud said. “You describe yourself in a functional way and then figure out what that’s called and if people get paid to do it,” he said.
Q. Discussing the future and potential careers can be overwhelming for a teenager. How do you break down the process so it’s less daunting?
A. Robert Hellmann, a career consultant in private practice in Manhattan who teaches career development courses at the School of Continuing and Professional Studies at New York University, suggested an exercise called the Seven Stories. In it, young people offer 20 examples of times in their lives when they enjoyed doing something and felt they did it well.
“Pick the top seven stories, the ones most meaningful, and you both look for patterns across them,” Mr. Hellmann said. “As a parent, you can help by asking things like: ‘What is it that you enjoyed about this? What do you feel you did best? Why did you do it? What was your relationship in those activities with other people?’ Write down those answers. This gives your child an opportunity to discover for themselves what they are good at and what they want to do.”
Q. How do you steer your children toward meaningful work experiences, internships or mentors?
A. You can certainly help make connections and introduce them to those with advice and information, but your teenager needs to be the one who takes action, said Joan E. McLean, associate dean for academic advising at Ohio Wesleyan University in Delaware, Ohio.
“Part of guiding high school juniors and seniors toward their calling,” she said, “is allowing them to find that calling, to see what best suits their still-developing values and interests.”
If your child wants to be a professional singer, he or she might shadow a singer or a voice coach to see what that person’s life is like, read biographies of singers and talk to those in the profession about the needed education and what they did to build careers.
“That’s the research,” Ms. McLean said. “Then your child experiments, maybe joining a community singing group or participating in summer musical theater. At any step they can change direction. I think finding what you don’t want to do is as important as finding out what you do want to do.”
If you fear that your child is choosing a profession at which success seems highly unlikely — either because of a lack of talent or because it’s unrealistic — bite your tongue, Mr. Hellmann said. “Don’t say, ‘that will never happen’ because you really don’t know that,” he said. “Your child will discover soon enough if they aren’t cut out for what they are choosing.”
Q. What if your teenager has no idea what career to pursue and no desire to discuss it?
A. That’s the time to back off, Ms. McLean said, because some students just aren’t yet ready to explore questions about their future. “They will figure it out eventually, as long as you bring it up periodically and leave open the possibility of a dialogue,” she said.
Remember that it’s rare for 17-year-olds to know exactly what they want to do in life, Ms. Chansky said. “Help them identify the things they do know about their likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses,” she said. “This will show them they have some information, even if they don’t have it all,” and they can eventually translate that data into potential career pathways.
Before College, Costly Advice Just on Getting In
Posted by Jerry in Good Advice on July 24th, 2009
The New York Times (Jacques Steinberg)
Any family considering the assistance of a private individual or company for college preparation should read this article. Two very important points are to spend no more than intend and no one can guarantee any outcome for their service. Those that claim otherwise should be avoided. The information in this article can help identify what is referred to as “the snake oil salesmen”. http://tinyurl.com/mty6et